My conservative Christian parents had taught me that certain parts of me always had to be covered up and never seen; my pussy was one of these parts. Because of this I never gave my pussy much thought; it was nothing more than a source of embarrassment and shame. I never even really knew what it looked like until my teenage years. It took me until my first experience with a tampon to actually take a mirror and examine myself “down there”.
When I am talking about it casually, it is my vag, or va-goo if I am in a silly mood. When I am feeling particularly Feminisity (fuck you “Sheath For A Sword”) or Earth Mother Birthing Goddessy, it is my Yoni. I whisper into my husband’s ear that my Pussy is wet, or tell a lover I would love to lick her pussy. When I banter with my best friends we become increasingly ridiculous and come up with deliciously dirty alliterations delving into pearl clutching obscenities. But whatever it’s called, one thing is for certain: it is pretty fucking amazing.
My pussy is special to me because I didn’t always have one, because I have worked so hard to be able to have one. I always struggled with my gender identity and, in particular, having male genitalia, as it never felt right to me. In my darkest times, I could not go to the bathroom without thinking about taking a butcher’s knife to my genitalia.
My relationship with my vagina has been characterized by guilt for most of my life. My earliest recollections of any awareness of my vagina was when I was a young girl and my mother told me if I ran the water over it in the bathtub that I would get warts. I don’t know why she told me this, but from that point onwards I believed that touching it and making my vagina feel good was wrong. It was something I should feel ashamed about and keep a secret.
My Yoni is a sacred gateway, one that has known both sides of the spectrum of bliss and misery. The profoundness of my journey with my vulva is a long tale; however, a very simple story of an experience I had in the past year of my life seems a fitting one to convey my awe for this Jewel between my legs.