My pussy is special to me because I didn’t always have one, because I have worked so hard to be able to have one. I always struggled with my gender identity and, in particular, having male genitalia, as it never felt right to me. In my darkest times, I could not go to the bathroom without thinking about taking a butcher’s knife to my genitalia.
My vagina was constructed out of the tissues from my old genitalia; the labia are created from my scrotal tissue, the vaginal wall from the skin tissue of the penile shaft, and the clitoris made from the head of the penis (including all the nerve endings). I have no cervix, no uterus or ovaries. I do not get periods and cannot get pregnant. This is a blessing I’ve been told by many other women, yet I still wish I could experience these natural parts of womanhood. Despite this, I know that I am just as real a woman as any other.
I remember a couple days after my surgery, when I could feel my new pussy underneath all the bandages. Suddenly everything about my body finally felt right. Somehow I knew where everything was, even though I couldn’t see it and all I had known before was my penis. In fact, ever since that moment, I have not been able to remember what having a penis ever felt like. For me, this is a wonderful freedom.
I’ve had people tell me that I am “crazy” or that I would regret this, that I would miss my penis. The truth is I could never bring myself to go back, even if it were still physically possible. I used to have a recurring nightmare in which I would wake up in a hospital with my penis sewn back on me. Now, when I see myself naked, I can look down at my pussy and be reassured that that could never happen now.
My vagina isn’t much to look at; the slit curves near the bottom, and I have a thick scar on each side of my labia, which is very visible if I shave my pubic hair. Yet I feel a sense of satisfaction whenever I look at it. My pussy’s beauty comes from its struggle for its own existence. I can feel a connection with it that I never had with my previous genitalia.
I’ve had my vagina for a year and a half now, and I honestly can’t imagine my life without it anymore. I enjoy sex so much more, as everything feels much more natural and satisfying. My pussy has given me the confidence that I needed to have to love my body. Today, I love being naked because I can look at my body and be happy with who I am, and my pussy is an integral part of that experience.