When I am talking about it casually, it is my vag, or va-goo if I am in a silly mood. When I am feeling particularly Feminisity (fuck you “Sheath For A Sword”) or Earth Mother Birthing Goddessy, it is my Yoni. I whisper into my husband’s ear that my Pussy is wet, or tell a lover I would love to lick her pussy. When I banter with my best friends we become increasingly ridiculous and come up with deliciously dirty alliterations delving into pearl clutching obscenities. But whatever it’s called, one thing is for certain: it is pretty fucking amazing.
I am a doula, which means that I see on a pretty regular basis the phenomenal things our vaginas can do. I gave birth on my hands and knees, stopped listening to the people shouting at me to push, and pushed when I felt like it. I did not tear. The nurses were amazed with my vagina, I was amazed with myself. It didn't occur to me at the time that this was something I should feel shame over.
While pregnant with my second at a party, the topic steered towards pregnancy and childbirth. A friend of mine emphatically stated that when she had children, she would opt for a cesarean. Not because of fear of pain, but because she did not want to ruin her vagina. I told her my vagina certainly wasn't ruined, and that I did not tear during birth. She told me flippantly that I must just be loose.
Loose. Ruined. Destroyed. Sometimes in childbirth problems do occur that lead to major changes in women's vaginas, however I want to address the idea that changes to a woman’s vagina in childbirth... or aging, or having lots of sex or or or or.... leads to a RUINED vagina.
Ruined. Total destruction or disintegration. To harm irreparably. Many things may change the shape of our vagina and vulva, childbirth being one of them. But does this mean it is ruined?
My vagina and vulva have accommodated two large infants and returned more or less with perhaps some stretching back to its original shape. It has been penetrated by various body parts and sex toys and some things that were commandeered for that purpose. I have enjoyed a vibrant sex life with a variety of partners. Is my vagina ruined? No. Nor is it used, gross or destroyed, and if having sex with me is like “throwing a hot dog down a hallway”, I put forth that perhaps the one making that statement simply does not have a large enough penis. I want women to not worry that childbirth will RUIN their vagina for their man; I want doctors to stop putting in a "daddy stitch" when they repair a vaginal tear (to make the vagina tighter) and get rid of terms that define women by their vaginas. Women who "sleep around" are called "loose women". There is a problem with that.
I have birthed two large babies, slept with multiple partners, and had a variety of interesting items in my hoo-ha. Despite these myriad of Vagina Destroying activities, my pussy remains the bastion of partner pleasing, baby birthing, and self exploratory awesomeness that it has always been. Woo!